your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
