we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
