My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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