It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
third nipple confirmed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize