it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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