rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
