I got chris browned last night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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