I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
