I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
