like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
