Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
