I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
