I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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