NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
