After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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