There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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