they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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