Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize