please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize