Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
