once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
