I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
