i just made my gag reflex go away.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
