I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize