I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
