Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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