They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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