i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
