Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
