Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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