god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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