you guys were way drunker than both of me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
