apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
