So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
