I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
