I hate your face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
