so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
