Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
