i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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