I heard we made out
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
