Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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