nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
