apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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