I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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