My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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