maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
