We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
