I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize