Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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