my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
