I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
false alarm, still single
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
