Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
