I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
