there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
