dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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