I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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