mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I will be naked everywhere
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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