I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize