So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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