Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
