so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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