I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
