Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
