i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I look better un-naked...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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