He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
