Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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