Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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