When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My feet surprised me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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