What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize