lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
