he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
