i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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