May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
