All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
