Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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