I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just forgot I was standing up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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