If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
