"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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