I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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