We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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