Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
