we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
