i just google imaged poop.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
