mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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