ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
