I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize