you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it's like heaven, but drunker
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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