pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
