he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
