some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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