not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
