forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
