Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
