You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
