just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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