Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
zippers are such a cool invention
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
