You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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