hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
