I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
