This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
