I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
