Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
