I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
