My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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