i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
