I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
