hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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