Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
