I wannas sexs uuuuu
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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