No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
